Jealousy
by MissunderstoodPoet
Summary: They were disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. They looked at each other with love and adoration and you just looked on with envy. But that wasn't the worst part, the worst part was that you would never get to be with him or have him love you the way he loved her.
1. Chapter 1: Part One

They were disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. I looked at them and saw destroyed dreams and lost fantasies. They looked at each other with love and adoration, and I just sat here looking at them with envy.

It's a real pain in the ass when you figure out that you're in love with your best friend, and it's an even bigger pain in the ass when you decide to figure that out when they're already in a happy relationship. What's even worse is when you're surrounded by happy couples and all you can do is wallow in self pity while you smile and act like you're happy for them, because while you're glad that they're happy, you resent the fact that you can't be happy too. You resent the fact that you can only sit there and pretend that there are no harsh feelings even though you secretly hate all of them for flaunting their happiness in your face.

But it's not their fault. It's not their fault that they found someone to love them and that they found happiness in another person. And it's certainly not your best friend's fault that he met the supposed love of his life and can no longer be bothered to pay attention to the peasant that you are because now there is someone so much better in his life; someone so much more important.

He tells you his darkest fears and what's going on at home. He tells you before anyone else that he loves her and that he's terrified of losing her; and it takes all your willpower to not tell him that what you fear most is losing him. He tells you he'd die without her and that he doesn't deserve her, and you can't help but think the opposite. Why shouldn't she be the one to worry? But that's of no matter because he's happy. That's all that really matters to you.

Your friends constantly talk about how they need to find you a boyfriend, and they ask you if you have anyone in mind. The only person that comes to mind is the one person you can't have. The forbidden fruit. And I was just a bruised apple.

You love his girlfriend, she is sweet and kind and she loves him. But you secretly resent her because she took what you wanted without so much as asking your permission, how rude she is. I mean, you are his best friend. Or did she forget that? Did she even know? Did he even tell her? It wasn't common knowledge, not everyone knew. Did she? She should. You should tell her. Or maybe you should just trust the fact that your best friend loves you and would've told her because it matters. You matter to him. At least… you think you do. Do you? Who knows?

Sometimes you wish that you had never met him. Then you think and regret that wish because you love him, and even though that hurts, he's worth the pain. Even if he'll never ever know that this is about him or that you feel this way. That would ruin his happiness and your friendship—two things you value more than any risk you could ever take in regards to him.

You want to talk to him all the time but you know that he won't want to talk because he'll just be thinking of her, and that hurts too much to even try to start the conversation. That's all he ever does, think about her. She's all he talks about. And you're happy, because he's happy, but you're not because you're not happy for yourself.

You don't really think of yourself anymore. All of your thoughts are about him and if he's happy. Your life is now trivial compared to his. And you know that's unhealthy but there's nothing you can do to fix it so you might as well just accept it and move on as if that's not the fact.

There are a lot of things that you're ignoring these days. You ignore the fact that he's telling you he loves you and you ignore the fact that he tells you that you are beautiful because it doesn't matter. He doesn't mean them sincerely. How could he when he's in love with her.

You do realize how bitter you are though. And you feel soo guilty about it. Has he noticed? Does he think you are mad at him? Please Gods no. you love him, he hurts you but that's not his fault. He shouldn't feel guilty, does he feel guilty? You hope he doesn't feel guilty. You'd feel even worse if that was the case.

You watch them even more closely now, trying to see if he's changed. Is he smiling more or less? Is he laughing more or less? Is he staring at you or her? Her. It's always her. It will always be her.

He tells you today that he has liked her for three years, always thinking that she was too good and he would never get the chance. You feel the sudden urge to just slap him. How could he be so dumb as to think that he wasn't good enough or unworthy? He is always worthy, he is always better than 'good enough'. He is pure and beautiful and excellently excellent.

He has lots of flaws. He's got a bit of a temper and he's not a genius and he has an inferiority complex, but he is perfect and you can't help but think that the reason he loves her and not you is because you are not perfect. And it's really a grand shame.

But, you know that you'll never leave because when he breaks, someone has to be there to pick up the shattered pieces and glue them back together.

They are disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. I looked at them and saw destroyed dreams and lost fantasies. They looked at each other with love and adoration and I just sat there looking at them with envy. But that's not even the worst part. What hurts the most is that you'll never have him as yours and that kills you on the inside. And that's when you realize that it's not them that's disgusting, it's your jealousy.

 **Thanks so much for reading that! I hope y'all enjoyed it. Please leave a review and let me know what you thought! Have an excellent day my lovelies!**

 **~MissunderstoodPoet~**


	2. Chapter 2: AN

**Wassup guys? I know a lot of you are really irritated that you have no idea who this about, and honestly I don't want to tell you. Personally, I think it's very open to interpretation. I wrote it to vent about a personal experience I was going through at the time and I thought it fit best in this fandom because it the most options for possible people. However, I have been thinking about it and I want to know if you guys would want me to do a continuation and make this into a full story, in which the characters will be revealed.**

 **I'm sorry that this is just an author's note. It happens.**

 **Please let me know if you would like me to continue this one-shot, if enough people say yes, I will. Pinky promise.**

 **I hope you're all having a great day! See ya later alligator!**

 **~MissunderstoodPoet~**


	3. Chapter 3: Part Two

You see the exact moment that he shatters into a million pieces. It is the day he finds out that they are going to be separated for 4 years with only small visits in between.

The worst part is that you're happy they are going to be apart. The worst part is that they didn't even break up and he is already broken. And you can see the future where you know that she will break him more. She will end it and he will be destroyed. You know this; everyone seems to know this except him.

He never sees clearly when it comes to her. He never has. And he never will. And you try to make him see without telling him, because you don't want him to resent you for saying it, but he never sees. He is blind and she is the sun.

They are not healthy. He yells. She shrinks. She touches. He flinches. They don't kiss, but they comfort. They show affection by touching skin but never exchange their love with a tender embrace of their mouths.

If he was yours, you don't think you'd ever stop kissing him. But then your dream ends and you remember that he does not want you and he does not want to kiss you—ever.

They spend as much time together as they can. They don't want to waste a second of their time together. Sometimes you want to pause life and rewind and find out where everything went wrong.

You were so close to telling him you wanted him, loved him in way you didn't know you could. And then she came, and everything changed.

You still wonder if she knows he loves you—platonically of course. You still wonder if she knows that he is your best friend and you are his. You don't think she does. And you don't think she ever will.

You miss your late night talks where you two would bare your souls and cleanse your conscience. He used to tell you everything and now he tells you nothing, so you tell him nothing. He only talks to her, and when he talks to you it's about her.

And when he does, you realize just how difficult it will be to piece him back together after she has decimated him. There are already cracks and pieces missing that you know he won't let you replace because those pieces belong to her and those empty spaces are hers to fill—or abandon. And you know she will abandon them.

When you try to pick up his pieces, you cut yourself on the glass and get shards stuck in your fingertips. All you do is pull them out and stick a band aid on your bleeding limbs because there are more important things to be concerned about.

You are concerned about how he is doing. You wonder if he is taking care of himself. Or if he is just letting everything that once was leak out of his empty spaces and leaving him hollow.

You wish with all that you are that he is okay, that he will be okay. But you know deep down inside of yourself that he won't be. That he isn't. And that terrifies you. It shakes you to your core. Because how can you live a life when he isn't living his. How can you be okay when he so clearly is not. It's difficult. It is really hard. And you don't know what to do.

And you can't ask anyone for advice. They would just tell you how pathetic you already know you are. No one else should be involved in your turmoil and his mess. It would be unfair to them.

She treats you so nicely. She treats you like a dear friend. And you don't know how or why. You appreciate her kindness, and yet you hate her for it as well. How can she not see what she is doing to him. How can she be so nice to you and so cruel to him. And the worst part is that she doesn't even know that she is being cruel.

He is gullible. She is cruel. And you are bleeding. All of you are empty. Well, at least you are.

He doesn't want to say goodbye. She is all too eager. And you just don't want to lose him.

He is broken, about to be worse. She is intact. And you are struggling to pick up all of the pieces without staining them.

You see the exact moment when he shatters into a million pieces. It is the day he finds out that they are going to be separated for 4 years with only small visits in between. You try to hold him together as best as you can. You try to prepare yourself for the shrapnel that will surely shred your skin when it flies. And you wait for when it is truly over, when she ends it, and he thinks himself unfixable. You try to prepare yourself for when he crumples into nothing. And the worst part is that all you can do is watch it happen and hope you don't cut yourself too badly on the wreckage.

 **Fin.**

 **I couldn't think of a better way to end it. I hope you all enjoyed this second installment of Jealousy. Please let me know what you thought in a review and tell me what you would like to see happen next. I think I will do one or two more chapters and then call it complete.**

 **I hope y'all have a lovely day! See you later.**

 **~MissunderstoodPoet~**


	4. Chapter 4: Part Three

He texts you as soon as it happens.

She ended it. It is over, done.

He had been talking to you for weeks beforehand, expecting the worst, needing to know that he would be alright. And you just told him that nothing bad would happen and that everything would be okay.

You were wrong.

You felt the glass cut your skin deeper than it had before and you are worried about him. You are too far away to hold him and comfort him the only way you know how, so you just keep talking in a sad attempt to stem the blood flow.

He cries and questions what went wrong. How it was his fault. It hurts to see him blame himself, because it was her who did this to him. You know you are biased but you can't help but blame her for all of the hurt he is experiencing—all of the wrong that was done to him.

That moment is the one you regret going so far away. It's the first time you have felt that regret, and he brought it forth. But you can't blame him, because there is no way he could have known the hurt he is causing you by hurting. Funny how it works out; how somehow his pain increases yours by ten-fold and you're not even the one who experienced the hardship.

And it really sucks, because you had tried to get over him. There was someone else who took his place; the one you thought could never be filled by anyone else. But this one did—he filled it well. The replacement made you feel again, he made you happy; he made you fall in love with him. He told you his secrets and his dreams, his pains and his regrets. In turn, you told him yours and he listened. He held you and comforted you and you thought he loved you in return. He kissed away your fears and never made you feel like anything less than whom you were. It was amazing and wonderful and lustful. It was everything you never knew you were missing and everything you thought you needed and deserved.

Then one day it all came to a halt. He said those dreaded words, the replacement. He said we needed to talk. Then, after days of agonizing anticipation, he ended it. You were not good enough. You drove him away. You were too clingy, you pushed too hard, you didn't put out enough, you didn't love him enough. Pick any and all of the above. It doesn't matter. You lost the other love of your life. The first one of your adult life. And your own shards of glass cut into your feet as you walk and your throat as you curl up into the tiniest ball you can in a fruitless effort to escape the pain and keep it from affecting you. None of it doing anything to help and only to harm.

The original one comforts you, but only after you finally tell him about the pain you are feeling over the replacement. His comfort doesn't do anything to help though, because you discover that he has replaced you too. He has a new best friend, one who he confesses everything to. One that he now loves. And once again you have lost any chance you had because yet another holds his heart; and it hurts because she doesn't want it. And you are grateful that she doesn't want it, but that makes you feel terrible. Because now he must experience unrequited love. He must feel the pain of having the one he loves be oblivious to his feelings. And he still doesn't tell you anything. He never tells you anything anymore.

You initiate all conversations, you have to dig for any information, and you are still hurting for his lack of trying. Plus, the replacement still won't talk to you, even though he said he would. Why would he say that if he didn't mean it? They always lie to you. All of them. The ones you love, the ones you hate, the ones you know.

Why is it that all of your loves break their promises?

And the worst part is that nobody knows any of this. You have no one to tell; you have no one to listen. Not anymore. All of this just keeps building up and up and soon you know you will explode. But it's okay. Because you know no one will be caught in the crossfire. Because you have no one.

And it's okay if you burst, because you are already so damaged that it won't make any difference.

He texts you the moment it happens. You hear the moment he breaks for real this time. And you are okay with gathering the shards and piecing him back together. Your own blood mixes in with his and you are okay with that. You will do anything, give anything to have him be okay again. And you will e there every time shatters, you will see it and fix it. But you can't help but be bothered that he never notices when you shatter yourself.

 **Wow… okay. So that was the third installment. I hope you guys liked it. Please let me know what you thought by leaving a review. I hope you have a wonderful day my lovelies.**

 **~MissunderstoodPoet~**


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